bookmark this.
Someone special blogged @ 10:16 PM l

Yay my hair is long. ok no. but long enough for me to do girl things to it. hair clips &such. you know, without looking gay..... loving it. for now. am soooo cutting after KK attachment. BEFORE RAYA HAHAHHAHAHA.

so anyway! i'm thinking of switching to Wordpress. i know, as if Eljay & dA not enough. talk about indecision..greed..all things associated with having the Y chromosome. hey, who's complaining!??! :)

but i'm kindar torn on the names to give my new, aherm, weblog. yup, definitely indecision. well! i love variety. it's nice to have options:)

justfine.wordpress? too ...cheem.
leladisease.wordpress? would consider if i weren't training to be a nurse...........
carpediem.wordpress? too wayang.
biteme.wordpress? too suggestive, people might get the right idea>:F
iamfierce.wordpress? next.

onebyone.wordpress? very Dr.Param. HAHAHA.
brightyellowfields.wordpress? too Meisy:)
graveyardshift.wordpress? very MCR.
fearytale.wordpress? very Stephen King.
coloureveryday.wordpress? very Early Childhood.

inneranatomy.wordpress????? a bit too personal. don't want readers to be disappointed.
picturepostcard.wordpress? hardly. this weblog will mostly be about them words. but i like how it's very simple! promising, promising. but i need something moreeeee.
runwiththevampires.wordpress? very Supernatural.
borrowedtime.wordpress? too serious.
iwillscreamwithyou.wordpress? very deep, but a tad too mouthful hor?

bleedmyname.wordpress? very Emily Strange.
brokenspell.wordpress? just because i'm in the post-break up. tsk tsk.
thelion-and-thelamb.wordpress? very Animal Planet. unless you read Twilight, which nobody does but me.
theideaofyou.wordpress? pfft but i'm so tired of you.
nofriendshere.wordpress? i like. very attitude.

shut up, you're not the one who has to decide:P
Someone special blogged @ 10:57 PM l

i had a dream. loved the dream. i think it's a sign, an official celebratory confirmation that I've moved on>:F hear that, darling? i wish i didn't have to wake up from it. i wish you had been there to witness it, darling. LOVED THE DREAM, DAMN IT.

big enough a font for you, Kim?

he knew my namexD



Someone special blogged @ 9:13 PM l

it was still pretty dark when i left!

today seemed wrong. no, i'm glad to be alive so let just say the turn of events aren't so favorable. being optimistic here; i have faith that the day can't get any worst. shit shouldn't have said that.. do not make me wish i was going for attachment instead!! i swear i'm losing myself. as in losing the person i thought i knew so damn well. just when i thought i had me figured out, i turn around &scare myself senseless.

like i scared myself when i took a bath this morning. hahahahaha because normally after my morning prayers i'd died to bed. but i bathed &pulled on some clean jeans &sweater. left a note behind to let Momster know i went out. to shoot.

it was all very sudden. idk why i did that. just seemed important that i left the house today. it was 6:30am. wow, ok. to think i had never left the house that early(not counting attachment).

i remembered Momster being very angry first thing she got up for sahur. she was mad at Killer for giving her extra work to do.................. can't be mentioned what exactly because it ain't something to be proud of.

maybe that was why i left; to be spared from her nags. the thing with her, if she's pissed off at one of us, she'll be pissed off with the rest of us. unusually for no apparent reason. apparent reasons = for things that she normally overlook for example our messed up room. our room is not messy. messy sounds juvenile. our room is Messed Up. "like the people in it."

to make it worst, Mac puked out a furball in the most inconvenient place. way way out of cleaner's hands reach. poor Momster. she went ballistic. &she started picking on us all, even when we did nothing at all. she thinks she scolds everyone to be fair, to show that she doesn't do favoritism. oh thanks for the consideration.

i hate it if she picks on me. &my lazy habits. she'd dig out old wounds. i'd get defensive &very ugly. i never thought i'd the type to talk back, raise voice(not so much though) &scowl alot. usually i just shut up &take it all in. so idk where i got the guts to speak up &do all that. maybe i would have shut up if i were at fault. but i hadn't done anything~ it was all Killer!!!!! haha. won't you just listen to me>:F

anyway so i went out luh, with the camera. threw in wallet & my sketch book as well. &flew before Momster finished her prayers. idk where i was heading, i just walked. i didn't take the bus, too crowded. didn't want to face anybody, not even strangers. i know i look like crap. i didn't even do my hair right. i wasn't even wearing anything underneath the sweater. idk why i was in a hurry. didn't want to explain to anyone anything i think. i can't even explain to myself.

"shooting" has become my excuse for everything now ey. & "being a shutterbug."

"why you so slow?" "cause i'm a shutterbug." "so?" "shutterbugs are slow." "i don't see?" "because we have to be. there's a camera in our hands."

"where you go!?" "shooting." "......"

the shortest exchange between Momser &i over the phone just now. hahahaha. she always has nothing to say to that. what can she say?

i didn't really go shooting. well, i did but it was just physical. just the action of pointing &shooting. there wasn't the ..groove, haha. could be explained heere. takkan nak share nice pictures only kan? >:F

i thought i can't stand crowds. but being on my own with not-so-many people around, makes me realise that i'd rather be in a crowd where i can totally disappear into. because in the latter, you don't get Attention drawn to you. ..people are wary of people who have a camera in their hands hor? then they look at you funny.

i just scowled a lot this morning.
Someone special blogged @ 2:12 PM l

just one word. a very ..least expecting word. that jumps right out at me. "had my heart at a chokehold". but not the kind Gym Class Heroes had meant. &that stupid ....emoticon? yar. of course i had no clue what it was really. but i hated why it was even there. i hated being at doubt. "leave some for the imagination", that's how i chose to interpret it in the end. "benefit of the doubt". "Lela's at it again." why can't there just a simple ..sign, which can't go wrong, which i can decipher right away, &probably get it right. leave the heart alone.

he just had to say one word. &it burst me out of the ..stupid bubble i was in since god knows when. i realised this whole thing had been so ridiculous. that wasn't me being hopeful, that was me being deluded. not deluded like hallucinations &stuff. deluded like ..moronically. gah.

thanks for saying that one stupid word. it saved me. i am freed now.

i am swearing off you freaks. for as long as it takes. no, i'm not going down the phase that "most girls" are going just because a stupid boy broke her stupid heart. i won't give guys that kind of stupid credit. i've felt like this because i basically lost interest &this unfortunate thing happened long time ago. i didn't want to acknowledge it because i thought that would mean succumbing to ..it. but what the hell. who's to judge? it's quite a relief actually. let's make me official now, shall we?

well, of course there's an exception for the KaKu. Hey, Duck. get my link off your site.
Someone special blogged @ 5:56 AM l

4hours. on the couch. reading New Moon. 4 solid hours. it helps that i'm fasting, so no breaks. except for when i had to do my prayers. even that Momster had to threaten to empty the water contents of the vase over my head.

"ok just keep away from the book. it's barely 2 days old."

the couch is a part of my ass. &the book is a part of my hands>:F

TEAM JACOB! vampires are so 5minutes ago. it's werewolves the new vampire>:F

both have fangs.

now i'm on the couch, with the laptop. waiting for 8 Simple Rules to load.

there, the story of my life.
Someone special blogged @ 10:10 PM l

euphoric. i am. extremely, excruciatingly euphoric. i can't wait to start on it. Eclipse is already out on the shelves:D at 40bucks:'( but fish, i'll get my hands on it anyhoo. i always get what i want>:F

i have a feeling that in the near future that kindar attitude is gunna break me some how. but for now! grr>:F

went shopping for guitar. there's one at Cash Converters going on for 200 only. i like! but Hannan was like, "A brand new one, Lela. a brand new one." I know, I KNOWWW. wasn't it the wise I who said, "either we get a good one, or don't get any at all."

yes, but after spending 20bucks on a book &another 10 to develop yet another bunch of pictures, i'm thinking....the 200 second hand guitar is fine:)

..ok luh it depends on how much i can get selling the current gee.

ok i'm off to ..induce death upon myself by eating those hard-as-cement &black as the hair growing out of my scalp walnut brownies we sisters had attempted to bake. well, we are trying to put the impression that the brownies are to die for(excuse the pun) because it's annoying how Gmum makes fun of us.... she had given it one fleeting glance &concluded that it is a disaster.

"hah, tu macam mana nak makan tu?"

that's a good point.

she tried poked a fat finger into the brownies but couldn't because 1)her finger is fat and 2)the brownies are as hard as cement. i mean the toothpick broke into half, damn it, the bit still stuck in the brownie. but that's not as bad as fact that we almost burn the kitchen down because there was smoke coming out of the oven.

so we're not culinary-ly inclined!!!! who's fault is that!

if you happen to drop by my place for hari raya, avoid the black walnut brownies. well, if you're daring, by all means, help yourself. i mean, i'm eating it. just that it will take probably days to digest a small bite. you've been warned.

Kama, i think i'll take up your offer to ..take up cooking lessons with you>:F
Someone special blogged @ 8:11 PM l

here's a little something i whipped up for my dearest littlest sister.



happy 13th birthday, Syakila Ismail:P i hope you like the video! it was a bitch mixing it! you had better like it! i even included your beloved Gerard Way &Johnny Depp somewhere. THEN AGAIN!!!!!you damn, you're attached already what the hell! have you any idea how that makes ME, the eldest sister, look????? bet not! ......if this Amin guy breaks your heart, tell me ok. now i won't be able to beat him up but i can get Lina to do it:) because you know we both love you.

go ahead &make us all damn proud.
Someone special blogged @ 3:27 PM l

nana suddenly asked: "do you think you're a good friend." boom. smack in the head.

before i could answer, one of the macs lady sat next to me, put her arm over my shoulder as if we've met(she did took my order who thats not counted) and asked: "wanna take picture?"

she pointed to the mirror against the wall which is pasted with pictures of unfortunate customers who mouths were greasy with salt and oil from eating too much fries.

"hell no," i told her. but she kept insisting!! nana hid behind her burger to avoid being involved. thanks. what a great friend.

after i threatened not coming here ever again, the lady stopped pestering me.

answering nana's question: if i said no, id be lying. you call it ego, i call it honesty. haha definitely not modest but youve gotta give me a little credit for my.. bold honesty. hahha.

....okie now as i think over about some other stuffs, i dont think that ive been entirely a good friend. well. she said good..not perfect. so there.

nana and i both agreed though: umairah's one good example of a great friend(: meyaa we love you so!!!!

we were talking and then someone hit me hard on the back. choked on my burger. turned around. bloody hell, hongsui. there's such a word called "hi, hotass" you know. he pissed us off so bad, that bastard.

nabila, nj, jocey, shahina and a couple more came over.. they were surprised to see us with a fatass pri5 boy. i told them i hadnt met him in my life till now.

then hongsui called my name and nabila was like, "well..obviously not the same for him..." bulls... then something funny happened.

hongsui: (stared at nabila)
nabila: oi. why are you staring at my face!?
hongsui: where got!?
nabila: nevermind. i understand.. haha ceh!
hongsui: yuek! your face got so many pimples, no one will like you!
lela: not true! i like her! ..(fine i didnt say this. i said this instead: hahahahahhaha!)
nabila: (glared at him and said as cold as ever) then, you so fat nobody will like you. (she later regretted because she realized she's not exactly miss slim herself. LOL!)

nana and i were lmao-ing and nj at the background was saying, "wahh..just met and already exchanging criticsm."

then jocey came over and joined in: "your teeth so big, nobody will like you." (she wanted to say fat but she thought that would be mean..she didn't know nabila had just called him fat."

that managed to drive him off. well. not really. he kept coming back, that dickhead. nabila threatened to throw the baby chair at him and we were all chanting, "get lost get lost!"

goshhhh..so fun(:

KEKEKS, BOLEH?? HAHAHAHAHA. omg i miss that! i miss Nabila, NJ, &Jocey!!!! i miss that little Macs along thomson which is no longer there now. &i definitely remember Hongsui. he's such an asshole:) ok, he was this kid from Ai Tong primary i had tutored. yup. hm, he was 10years old then. so you do the math. i wonder how he's going now!!!!

ok guilty. i've been reading back old posts the past HOURS like i've nothing to do. wait, i have nothing to do. i've done watching Top Model(Team Jael, woohoo!), &Top Model always inspires me to work on my sad photography skills hence browsing around dA because that's where you find amazing photography. to be a good photographer, you've got to check out other photographer's work &learn a thing or two.

so since i was on the net, i thought i'd dropped by the old blog &read some old posts like i've nothing else to do and i really didn't have much to do. but ey it's good reading back!!!!!!!!! i was funny back then. annoying, the way i blogged sometimes, but i could tell that i was happy then. felt like i was actually living.

to live life is to surround yourself with the people you love, &being able to be let your afro out &be your complete true self. absolutely. no. fronting.

i miss that freedom.
Someone special blogged @ 12:28 AM l

hello there:)

i stumbled upon my old blog:') It's all pretty now, with proper layout...how come i don't remember revamping it? but anyhoos. it was good reading back. what my life was about 3years ago today. uh huh!

basically my world then revolved around school. well, it seemed that's all i could write about! going to school, surviving through the routined(laughter-filled) lessons with a fat physics teacher, a fannoying math teacher etc. &the friends:)

it's quite a mouthful! so i've helped you sift &pick out some memorable ones here.

then there's one which had scared the living shit out of me:

I should start from the beginning.
Haha. Yes. I should.
I think the whole thing was pret-tie fun.
Going from room to room, seeing doctors to doctors..
Haha. I'm not kidding.
The nurses rock.
I think I should consider being one.
When I grow up, that is(:

1 word: holy crow.
Someone special blogged @ 2:12 PM l

“How vain it is to sit down to write, when you have not stood up to live.” - Henry David Thoreau

thanks Mr.T. i will remember this the next time i get the urge to not get out of bed. which was what i did luh today..wednesday morning. woke up like at 3in the afternoon.... so i'm compensating the hours lost. here i am.

it's time to live. idk how, but i will try to live. gots to figure out the definition of live first....
Someone special blogged @ 12:41 AM l

am done being in denial, so now i'm letting it out of my system: I AM AN IMPULSIVE SHOPPER. i went out &thirty dollars finished! gone! from my wallet. no more! what happened!

i bought this huge black sketch book. &i developed some photos. my intention was to make the sketchbook into some kind of a portfolio. but after i got some not-so-bad photos developed, i realised, they don't look so good after all............. then i felt somewhat embarrassed; macam mana punya bagus, nak buat portfolio. so that was a waste of money and time!

then i had a huge black empty sketchbook &a bunch of random photos &i didn't know what to do with it.

so i decided to make it into a scrapbook where i throw in all my favorite things:D in a form of photographs. in a way like a portfolio, but less serious luh. there isn't like the formal stuff luh. more of snapshots of my friends, my cats, etc. can't wait to start. i'm gonna make it worth the $30.

i hope i won't screw it:O i always screw things i touch. that, or before i manage to screw it, i grow bored and leave it halfway. i thuck, thumtimth.
Someone special blogged @ 7:53 PM l

i have sloth syndrome. and i swear Killer is showing symptoms of bipolar disorder. Ish, jahat. betol2 kang......:D kidding luh, kidding. her birthday is coming &i kindar said i'd get her a guitar. i mean, i'm totally into it, we all could new a new decent gee. so i told Momster about it. she isn't too pleased lei.

she suggested dinner at Pizza. i reminded her the last time we did that, we all ended up wanting to kill each other. &she was like, "what the hell are you talking about!!!! maner ader! jangan cakap bukan2!" denial. good practise during the fasting month huh.

i meant to go out with Lina today, but she had classes after 2. boo. so i thought fine i can have fun by myself. so i got ready &then i opened the door to leave...mak kau. have you seen the weather!!!! it's filthy hot!!!!!!!! so i thought better, shut the door behind me &decided to use the computer..........

"cepat balek," Momster quipped.
"maner ader! jangan cakap bukan2!"

remember i mention something about making a music video? i meant like this:


kekeks.
Someone special blogged @ 2:45 PM l

JustLELA


alter ago?

LINKS HERE!
FRIEND
FRIEND

Melissa's Design
Images: Richardxthripp

TAG BOARD HERE PLS..

January 2006;
February 2006;
March 2006;
April 2006;
May 2006;
June 2006;
July 2006;
August 2006;
September 2006;
October 2006;
November 2006;
December 2006;
January 2007;
February 2007;
March 2007;
April 2007;
May 2007;
June 2007;
July 2007;
August 2007;
September 2007;
October 2007;

now let me define..